Road to Recovery

2009-06-05T21:00:00.002+08:00

wassup people, i'm back. Kaye, I'M BACK.

Well, i'm supposed to meet my GF(ahhaha) tonight, but it didn't happen because of her well to be dad. We were looking forward to it, because we yearn for each other hug for a very long time. Since it didn't happen, i feel so shitty, because we were planning to have subway, take a lot of pictures, since we have zero pictures and it is a desperate call for that. Anticipating it since Monday, but it burn into ashes when you told me your dad had PMS(haha for a man). I wouldn't say i miss u, but it's just an unsureness in me when we are going to meet again.

I don't even know why her dad will think that, which is so unreasonable. It is really bothering me because, the relationship between me and my dad is not great, i can say it is really terrible and strained. I can understand what she feels, but what i don't understand, why can't she gain the trust? It is not that she did anything as bad as what i did in the past. It is true when money can really make people go blind. It really shuts the hell out of him. If you were my dad, things will go downhill. But you are not my dad which means i am fortunate enough.

Enough here, BYE!!

2008-11-16T20:19:00.002+08:00

Well, first thing first, i have nothing against you nor your complaints. After all, we're friends, and i welcome every complaints you had. However, this particular problem is never ending, it is repetitive. You've been a friend to me, we have the passion for the same thing that is to work with animals, and we yearn for it, BADLY!!!

So here you go again complaining about your disbanded band. You know what it means, and it's been a while that this is happening. I've been keeping quiet about it because i think i have no say to what it is happening, because i am not directly involved, but this is getting ridiculous and stupid. Well, i've never blew up in front of you, until last night when you complained again.

Well, i'm just saying what i have to say long ago, and i knew this will happen from the start. It's like i've never been in a 'band'. I know this thing will happen, but mine ends when everything ends, but not yours. I don't understand why this is happening again and again. And you involve in it is so dumb, because i've never knew you would be dumb enough to get to the end of everything. You get caught in the middle, then in the end, you're bothered by everything. I don't know if it's true, i'm wondering does anyone else involved, get so bothered like you, or they make it so easy to let it pass through their life, and take it as if nothing happened, being ignorant, because from what i see, they don't bother that long unlike you.

I don't really know how to cheer you up anymore when you get bothered by all this bullshit. Last night, was the last of what i can take from your complaints. I can be harsher, but i didn't because of our friendship. If i was, i will never regret. Just for the record, i have no regret saying whatever i've said last night. So now this is me..

2008-11-07T14:28:00.004+08:00

ok, i know i've been missing from here for a very long period of time. Not because i didn't want to update my blog. So much has happened, that i'm quite unsure what to blog about but i really want to blog this because it has bother me since the day i signed a piece of paper, people like Kaye, Ellen and whoever else knows. One states,"No going out with friends except for family".

So there were plans going back Malacca to visit relatives that i have not seen for years, i really mean years. I'm allowed to go when i first ask back in September. So someone called me whether i still wants to return to Malacca, so i said yes, but i have to ask for permission again since i've signed that piece of paper. Guess what, i can't go because of that piece of paper. Weird thing is, it says no going out with friends not family, so that someone who called is a family, and i am going back with her and my beloved grandma. Now, everything is gone, because the first thing i want to see when i get back to Malacca is my chinese aunt, who took care of me when i am young, after all, it's right to appreciate someone who tend to you when you're being an irritating kid, i mean naughty.

I know it is my fault, but c'mon, i've never been to a holiday except for Johor, but it is not even a holiday. So ridiculous, really is. C'mon, i've accepted the fact that all these was my fault, but you people don't really understand my problem with school. Now, i am trying to make myself attend school by reducing my working days, my activities outside school. None of my friends made me skipped me school, i did it on my own, no one psycho-ed me to skip school. No right to blame my friends, instead they encourage me to come school. People from W54M have been encouraging me to school, directly or indirectly. I felt so much better being in class and start doing things even though deep in my heart, it kept saying the same thing about how my school doesn't give the best towards environmental science students.

However, i think i have to do my part to find the linkage between the modules i am taking and my course. If not, i'll get a diploma but with nowhere to go. I need to buck up on my UT which have been bad, really bad. I hope i get everything out of my head after this blog entry.

And and BGR, i've been in this level whereby i am afraid to get close to a girl. I'm scared shit of getting close to girls, either i'll disappoint myself or the other part, but it has been me getting disappointed. Therefore, all i can do, is to admire the presence of the girl, if God willing, why not. I hope things in my past relationship won't occur in the future. And like what i told Asima, i have to switch my mindset. only she knows what i mean. LOL

Adios....

2008-10-04T22:52:00.003+08:00

Okay, first. School have been dreadful, really dreadful. People like Ellen and Kaye is feeling it too. We're all doing environmental science and we think none of us is feeling that we're doing the right thing in our school. We're learning nothing related to our course except for environmental science which is fun with crazy people in class. More than that, i've never wanted to go class. And now i've receive warning letter, and what the FUCK!! That is so ridiculous.

I think if an education centre wants to start a new course, then they should be prepared with everything that they need to educate the students who is enrolling into that course. BUT NO!! INSTEAD THEY MAKE US LEARN SHIT, ALTHOUGH IT'S QUITE GOOD, BUT NOTHING IS RELATED TO ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE. WHY MAKE US LEARN PHASE DIAGRAM, ATP + Pi, and what else. C'mon, that is so general, c'mon, make us learn what it has to do wtih our course, more in depth.

And sorry to ellen, and kaye for not updating this blog. hehehe.

2008-07-25T13:04:00.002+08:00

I keep telling myself the same thing but i can't do it. C'mon Faiz, you can do it. Tell yourself that she don't deserve any of these and instead of going nasty, you should support her after months of hell. Instead of that, i add to her sorrows but what can i do? All i wanted to do is to convey my feelings, but i think i lost my cool.

Now, i wished i never have said all those words. Too bad, it's too late. Sometimes, i don't dare to look into her eyes. Sometimes i don't dare to even text her or meet her in the morning. All these things are running through my mind. I hope it don't get the better of me like how it did on Tuesday night.

Well,l, i sent u a song online. I hope you know what the song is saying. Some of the words are meant for you. Have been appreciating your presence and friendship. Hola..

2008-07-24T00:43:00.002+08:00

Things went nasty and awful for both of us. I couldn't accept some of her reasoning, and it really got me twisted and i was really mad. In class, i swear, even Amir and the rest was shocked to see my tantrums. I swear my face was extremely red, as if it is boiled up. I think i got worked up over a sentence, and well, it took a toll on me.

I'm sorry if you're upset over my words and actions. I promise you nothing of this will ever happen again. I wish certain things never happen, but too bad, fate brought us together. Maybe it is the wrong time, but i hope after last night incident, we understand each other better. Likewise, i will cherish every moments we had together. I hope you do too. For now, i can look through you not into you. Sorry seems to be the hardest word, but i am really sincere in my apology. Never going into this situation again, i swear.

2008-07-21T18:30:00.002+08:00

This song is stuck in my head for months. Well, maybe that babi Ellen influence me to like it. Well, no credits to her because i let myself fall for this song. Honestly, the lyrics of this song influenced me to listen to it again, again and countless again. These few weeks, i have been listening to what my heart says not what my head says. It is more of mind over matter. Well, i've always put matter over mind, but i'm not going to let it happen again to me and the people around me.

I'm brave enough to open my heart and sincere feelings i had for her and the situation around us. I admit i like you and there will be small feelings for you that is beyond control. At first i thought it is okay, but after long thoughts and confiding into friends, i just felt that it is unsuitable for me to do this shit anymore. I don't want to get my feelings tangled up, and before i know, i've grown fond of you which i prefer not. I told you that things between us won't work out if anything happen but it seems things are different now. I can take the presence, but it feels like how me, G and another guy goes through. Now, it is happening again, and i tell you the very reason why i backed off. I don't want any tensions between you and him. Well, at least i am being fair to myself, i guess or more towards them. At least i am refraining myself from being trap into love that eventually i thought it will work, but in the end, nothing fruitful happen. And yc, that lead to my decision. I know you are upset over this, i am pissed and upset over my decision. I am not trying to imply anything, but i love you as a friend and i hate losing a friend. Sometimes, i wish i didn't get close to you over the month, and maybe this wouldn't happen. Fate brought us together, and i shall not complain about it.

As much as i want to back off, my body can't just pull away from you when i see you around. I don't know if i am playing around with my feelings, but i swear, i can't help but to cuddle you, tickle you, and be mean to you. Sometimes i feel that my heart is going against my body. When i cuddle you, my heart tell me not to, but you're like an old teddy bear, even though it is old, it is still cuddly, and huggable. It is inevitable, but i know i have to reduce the consumption of your cuddle. I love the moments, like how your friend says that i should just be like how i am with you now, and stop backing off. But sorry, i have to stick on my principles. Let see how thing goes on.

"This heart it beats for only you". i wish i have the courage to say these words to you.

2008-07-15T10:31:00.002+08:00

Whoa man, the past few weeks is like a living hell. Out of home, booze almost every night, thinking what to do. I know it's bad but what can i do? Well, now i'm home, i shall stop complaining and enjoy the shelter and bed. It's never been easy getting up from bed to walk my ass to school. Friends have been giving morning call since that day. Never will forget that very day and week. Living like a fugitive running away from the police. I think i should stop dwelling about it and start dwelling about the friends that have helped me tremendously.

Nowadays, i feel like things do repeat like again and again. Maybe life is a cycle. Now it feels like when i was in Secondary 4, when i really like this girl, but in the end it didn't work out. I know i'm not saying i like you more than a friend, but there are certain feelings that i can't hide from you. When things are so fine, then came a third person. Damn, because it is the exact situation that happened between me and G during secondary school years. Things are becoming like that, and i am ready to face the worse, you know if anything happens. I want to be a stick-on but i know there should be boundaries between us. I've learned my lesson, and that experience sucks, because it might vanished before you know it is. I've no intention to get into a relationship or whatever, but the feeling can be so deadly. It'll kinda ripped any one's heart apart, and it will be heal slowly. Before i know, it is a sabotage situation again. It's like CB mofo.

Well, i think i have to take things slowly. I love the way things are like now, even there are some pop-ups somewhere, and make me pissed, but that's not my life and i have no power to control. Just accept the way things are right now, and go with the flow. Even if anything happen, i should be happy and know that at least i put an effort to get to know her better, and of course, should be happy for her, you know, even though it sounds cliche, it is not. Forget that, i shall be hype and do the crazy shit i do. Things with her will either goes well, or not, it depends. I hope it is.

So more updates coming up. So long....

2008-07-05T22:31:00.003+08:00

Life is so complex, like taking A-Math in secondary school. No matter how hard i try to solve it, it remains unsolved. I've tried so hard helping to change the whole situation, but i can't do it alone. Now the effort is worthless, and the uncertainty of things make it even harder. Sleeping in cold, no shelter at all is the most woeful thing ever. Putting newspaper on the cement ground, no blanket, no pillow, nothing to make your sleep a comfortable one. Sometimes, it's hard not to think about stuff that will bother your mind and soul, but it just appears. At times with friends, you can be so hype, but when you're in the train or bus home, all these memories makes you go wonder. Sometimes your heart tells you that something is going to happen, and your friends tell you that don't go with your intuition. Out of sudden, your intuition surface and nothing can help. Friends got worried instead of your family. Friends get pissed by your family decision, but you can't do anything, no power at all to change. You feel guilty telling your friends about all these, thinking that it might drag them down along especially her. You just got to know her and all these problems resurfaced. Well, now, you feel like backing off, knowing that they and her knew about your booze and drugs. You are afraid to meet those people, your bro, and her because all these while you are the one who tried to turn their negativity into something positive. You say you got nothing left to live for. But your friends try their best to change it around. You thank your friends for their kind help, but at the same time, will your friends, your bro and her will ever think the same about you. You wonder. You hope not, but obviously you know that they will. Your friends called you dumb for your actions, cuss you, but you don't know what else to do besides making yourself high on booze and drugs. You know it's not right, but your friends don't know what it feels like being kicked out of the house for a small mistake. To them it is a trivial matter, but to your parents it is not. You wonder and wander, what's left in life.

What can you do? Your pack of clothes are packed into bags and nicely arranged outside your house. You can't do anything. In your mind, you asked why all these happen? Obviously, there are reasons but you can't stop thinking that it's just a small matter. The next thing you know, you are boozing more than a bottle. Your body temperature rises, making it worse because you can't sleep. So alternatively, you took pills to make your head spin so that your eyes will close and eventually sleep. Not done yet, you have to make space outside your house to sleep. With some things to bear in mind, you have to wake up before your neighbours leave for work. By the time, booze and drugs got you into a late night sleep. Barely 3 hours into sleep, you have to wake up and move to another place to sleep. Playground will be good, because no kids will be there early in the morning. Hopping from places to places, you just want to meet your friends, because at least you know that you've got something better to do rather to think about what happened. At the same time, you know everything will resumed after the meet-ups. Your friends called you stubborn and stuff, but after being kicked out, you don't want to create another fuss at someone else's home and feed the kick on the ass again. So you prefer going around looking for places to shelter, or sleep for the night, praying that you'll be going home the next day. You hope that you really have the courage to walk in and apologise for everything. But no, you've been apologising for years, and everything seems to be in a cycle. Now, you are sitting at MacDonald's, waiting for time to fly so that you can go somewhere to forget things. You know that none of your friends are involved in this despair moments, so you smiled, joked and laughed together with them. Worse thing is, you feel like doing what you did last night, but you know it's not worth the time. You hope, that money drops from the sky, so that you can do things that you like without disturbances. You thought you will be will be happy after short conversations with her, but it turned out to be awful. You don't expect any of these to happen. Last, You is like a fugitive now.

2008-07-05T00:45:00.002+08:00

Nothing seems to go to the right way. Screwed up, now i am outside, wondering and wandering. Nothing seems to be working well. Imagine the woman you love walk out on you, imagine what you've tried to do the best only for her, get dismissed. One mistake, everything vanished right in front of your eyes. Nothing you do is best for the woman you love. A grief mistake indeed.

Throats choked, eyes are watery, heart beating, and limbs are weak. My heart is telling me something, and yes, it proves right. Friends, i'm fine, you guys should be happy and thankful that i'm fine. I know you guys will miss my stupid hilarious behavior/ attitude and a lot more. I can't think, cos i'm so HIGH!!

Blah blah and blah, what i am talking about?? i should not frown, should be happy and excited. Like jenifer, amelia, jacob, YC, and other people. Chillax and cool their mind. I should do that, and i am doing it now. I ask Amelia along, but i refused. Ok, not making sense. Anyways, love u guys. see ya guys soon.

BYE

2008-07-03T21:37:00.002+08:00

Today was supposed ti be a very great day. A day where happiness and excitement should roam my day. However, i'm like having a super emotional ride. I don't know why. All i want is everything to be over, not life but some things. I appreciate everyone's wish but i just couldn't make that wish something that will make me smile. It is so strange, every year is still the same for me. Like nothing, everyone is doing thier own business, and i'm doing mine. Well, i'll expect something, but at the same time i wish for nothing. I wish it'll like any other days, but i don't know the reason why on this particular date, i'll be moody and something will always bother me, and exactly today, a text from someone really bothers me.

I don't know what's wrong with him. Honestly, i like her, but i have no intentions of making her more than a friend. I love the way it is now, it is much better, we still can be nice and sweet to each other. I don't understand why you will argue with her about me. C'mon, i'll back off if the situation doesn't die off. Everything seems to get complicated, but i'm sorry, i can fit into this lifestyle and i don't mind. Sorry if i cause all these unhappiness but it wasn't intentional.

Blah, i can't think, so BYE!!

2008-07-01T17:25:00.002+08:00

these two days have been super unlucky.

Monday, my laptop goes wonky. i can't even logged in to my school website and that sucks. Worse thing almost every programs on my laptop can't be used. I can't go into friendster, facebook, blogger, almost everything. That proves costly, because i had UT and i skipped because my 6P can't even be retrieved. The weird thing is, there is this anti virus software pop- up which looks familiar so i clicked on it. The moment i clicked on it, it started scanning viruses and spyware/adware, and oh my g, there are lots of it from trojan to backdoor (which i never heard of it). Whoa, there are 36 infections which can do lots of things from displaying hardcore pornographic images to revealing my password to an outsider. That suck right up.

Tuesday which is today adds to the pissed off moment. i was fine for littering near causeway point BK and it's not cheap, the fine can buy me a pair of DR DENIM jeans and a pair of shoe. And now the money can fly to NEA. super pissed, i should have listened to Germaine and threw into the dustbin. It was a moment of stupidity. YC got fine too, but thing is, they hold their own ATM cards, and i don't. I wanted to ask someone to lend me some of her money to pay, but i'm not that type of person. I hope i got the guts to ask, and hopefully she agrees. Half of the fine will do, and i'll pay her back. I really need the help.

i hope the ball will stop rolling, if not, i'll be seriously dead, and tired. I have been late for two days, i just can't wake up like i use to. Maybe a lot of things are pulling me down, that's what i think, nonetheless, i always have a great time with Fag-gers. Plus, i won't be super dumb anymore. DAMN

2008-06-28T23:30:00.003+08:00

today is Saturday. I woke up rather early. Usually i will wake up in the afternoon. So i went online and chatted with Kaye and Amelia. Kaye was asking me who i wanted to kill, if i have the licence to kill, i will kill a group of people(can't name here though). Well, after all there are two sides to everything. While Amelia is so excited because her fever dropped, she forgot that she told me that she's meeting the fag-gers. I think she is suffering from STM. And and, this asshoe girl kicked me somewhere and it hurts for a while.

Around 4 to 5, met Jacob and Puss outside LJS. Standard procedure, slack there and fag. Then we went in because the weather is damn humid. While waiting for Puss's friend and Amelia to come, we went anti-social and played PSP. There were some noises made by three of us, and none sounds nice and right. I have to wait for the guest-of-honor for today, Miss Amelia Soh to eat(blueek). Then came one by one, and i don't know why, Jacob, me and Amelia laughed for full two plus hours. My laughter was the loudest i guess. But who cares, we're enjoying our time.

Hmm, after that was long hours at long john, know new people like Wayne, Aaron, Sebastian, Christine and no more. Bunch of friendly people, some are from RP which i din't know. Far east to find Anggie, then went to remove Jia Min's nape, then went to poop, LOL. Sing-a-long session outside Carl's Jr, from paramore to 30 second to Mars. After that, Home Sweet Home. Da da..

2008-06-26T08:55:00.004+08:00

PARAMORE, PARAMORE AND MORE PARAMORE!!!

Lately, paramore is in my playlist. I love the content of their songs. Basically, i've spread the paramore fever to fella fag-gers. I mean it, i passed the old and new albums, and the NEVER- HEARD-BEFORE songs. Let's get paramore fever and spread it. Some songs are really stuck in my brains.

Lately, never have been up to anything. It's a meet up with fag-gers and mug. Everyone is having test in their own schools. SO instead of hanging around, we mug. Nothing could ever be better with mugging. LOL. Anyways, life have been really a roller coaster for me. I want to forget things but i can't. It's like so retard because the people who are in my mind are moving but I'm not. I am so confused. Sometimes i feel that i am moving on but i know i am not. I just feel that I'm like a fish who is hooked on and still moving, but at the same time it's still hanging around at the same place.

A and J, they're dope. I mean what can i ask for more. They tried to say something that is very optimistic, and i know sometimes its just me being stubborn, but i don't see why i can't interfere. Its their problems and not mine. I still find that illogical. neh mind, i have great friends, all i have to do is shut my eyes to the their world, and enjoy the companionship of my great friends.

some pictures...

jacob hulk-ing..

a drawer and a mugger

wonderful piece by Amelia soh!! woots!!

2008-06-21T00:37:00.003+08:00

In Hokkien, people like to say this, "si beh sian" and i am feeling that right now. Went cine with fag-gers after school. And that Jacob didn't attend school yet again. Must drag him to school the next time round. I met Jacob in the train at Ang Mo Kio towards town. Right after that, met Jia Min and Amelia to eat MACS. The work rate is super slow and i was infuriated. Surprisingly, we got our food fast.

After pigging, we head to Cine, the usual hang out place. We walked around and doing nothing, in the end, we head to the back of Cine to hang out. Amelia and I was having a "karaoke" session while Jia Min and Jacob listen to their own music. We just don't care who was there, hell yeah we sing like there's no tomorrow. In the end, we ended up in KFC cracking up jokes, too bad Amelia was not there.

Here are the pictures to describe the day:

2008-06-20T09:12:00.003+08:00

i love the fag-gers. not so late night out because i can't, and they can't reach home super late like before. and school have been tiring.(i'm too lazy to blog) So have been fag-ging, fooling around and joke around with people's name like, "Have u eaten?". Luckily Jia Min didn't heard about it, but Amelia did hear it. It was a simple joke, LOL. Amelia seriously is a joke, from her eyes, to the voice, a clown, more of a freelance but not paid. Basically had a good time with the fag-gers.

When there are happy times, there will be the climax which is the depressing times. I was caught with something on my ear, and it got so terrible that i'm disowned. I'm not blaming any party but i know i felt i did something for the first time(after years) without anyone pressurising me. No one influencing me, but i don't understand why, everytime things like this happen to me, first to get the blame is friends, and none of them influenced me. They like to come up with unreasonable conclusion, which i hate most. And it's so dreadful going back.

Later meeting fag-gers again. Ciao!!

2008-06-06T15:13:00.003+08:00

Hey hey, basically i'm writing this because i'll be gone for one week!!!

I am still wondering what to put in my bag pack. Is this enough, is that enough?? so confusing. one week, means i need one week of basic necessities. BUT WHAT IS IT??!!! LOL. i have not gone for a trip which is for a week. Am i excited or nervous? I don't even know. However, i am looking forward to shop. Get more stuff like clothes, jeans or even shoes. My room is in a mess, because i can't decide which to bring. The toiletries are fine, the clothes are the problem. I sorted out the one that i am going to wear to sleep. The day outwear, i don't know. I know how many jeans i need, but the top. I don't even know if i should iron the shirts now, or just do it in the hotel, consider they have it in their rooms. This is what happens to me everytime i am going for long trips, and it is only Malaysia, not London or France, or even Switzerland. (i wish i am going there)

Anyways, i watched Narnia with Ellen, Marcus and Izzan. Those two boys were late, so i had lunch with Ellen while waiting. Well, Narnia wasn't that boring nor draggy, there were some sarcastic catch phrase, which got me and Marcus tickled. Ellen was sleeping, LOL, nah, she didn't. Everyone was awake, so i think it's a good movie. The romantic part when Queen Susan and Prince Narnia kissed, every person in the cinema goes like this, "WOOOOOO!!!", especially Ellen. Ellen was teased by me over you-know-who. It was started by her, so i added to her self-inflicted issues. There were a lot of things but i can't possibly say it all here. But ah, i'm very proud of her, after all she's my homie and sista. GET THAT, IT'S SISTA, SO DON'T MATCHMAKE US ANYMORE!!!!

Hmm, we walked around town, from Taka to Far East, then to Wheelock to chill. At last, we went home. Ellen told me i was strange. I think i am, that's why i am such a crazy kid. Well, people can't be crazy all the time, sometimes there are times to be serious, like y'day. I did make Ellen feel she's much more matured, by 15 years, and that is so exaggerating. LOL. Aiya, gonna miss my pork homie. She shall update me on stuff when i get back next week. I'll not only miss her, but there are others too. BYE PEEPS!!! And ellen, pass me the pictures of yesterday to me when i get back. One more thing, she wore a dress, and she looks feminine in it, haha. But the converse shoes spoiled everything, hehe, kidding la. You look fine with it. BYE PORK!!

i think both of us look like we are going for one of Michael Jackson's video, THRILLER!!

too bad, didn't get to see the other side with the leftover chocolate, poor Ellen.

2008-05-27T20:47:00.003+08:00

Singapore Animal Symposium!!

Singapore Animal Symposium was held on Saturday at SMU. It was new for me and Ellen, which all the animal lovers came together for animal welfare. Meet Ellen as early as 8, and damn, i had a tummy ache. Plaza Singapura was not open yet, so i couldn't poop. I had to find another toilet, and luckily there was at a building opposite Plaza Singapura. It was so pleasing. LOL.

The symposium, starts at 9 supposedly, but it starts only at 9.20. Ellen and I was sleepy, so we tried to catch some sleep. But if we meet, it is rarely a quiet time. So we camwhored for a while to kill time. My camera is much more cooler than hers so my camera was the winner, and obviously my photography skills are much more better than her. LOL. So the whole thing was good, besides for the AVA guy and the stupid Doctor from NUS. These two are self-centred, if someone corrected or "condemned" them, they will speak up for themselves. And the whole point about being vegetarian and vegan don't make sense. Ellen fussed about it, and it was true, finally this girl is smart. LOL.

PS: Ellen and I are fans of Kaye and Hakim relationship. WOOHOO, WOOT!!

Faiz and Ellen, before the whole thing starts...

The reddish effect, COOL!!

For some reason, Ellen like to mimic her favourite animal.

I wish i can gobble up Ellen, but she ain't HALAL!! LOL

2008-05-26T20:09:00.005+08:00

I am a super hollow man. It is hilarious after i saw the grade....and there was this strange guy in the bus, HELP!!!

Ok, i didn't expect a B for microbiology because i skipped class almost the whole day. The fact that the faci didn't even realise that i left make it all so hilarious. I mean why can't she realize that i left because i am the noisy one in class. Seriously, i still wonder how she didn't notice me missing in class. What to do, i am so sleek, i make my way out of lab without no one noticing. HAHAHA!!! even my own team mates didn't realise it. I'm ballin'. This was the faci comments for me, "you're quite active today.try to avoid "partial" (didn't attend 3rd mt)". What the hell, i didn't attend almost the whole of every meetings. I hooted that my mum thought i was out of my mind. I shall tell someone about this, and they will complained if they get a lesser grade than me. Wahahahaha!!

But there is one thing that bothered me in the bus home. I don't know if it is the same guy who Hadi had but looking at it, it might be the same guy. However, i think mine is more nightmarish. The story goes...the bus stopped at Innova JC, and it was crowded. I was reading the newspaper to kill time, but i didn't realise that someone just board the bus. The next thing i knew, Bavani tapped me, so i looked up and saw a guy walking towards me hurriedly. I wasn't that surprised because there was an empty seat beside me. So i continued what i was doing, but the next thing he did was shockingly creepy. The bus turned left, and it was a sharp turn, instead of holding onto the pole before sitting down, he sat on my lap. At this point of time, i was praying nothing happened after that. My prayer wasn't answered, and it was seconds, his freaking butt was on my lap. Bavani didn't saw it though, and i was being optimistic about the whole situation. Next, he sat close to me that i pleaded Bavani to move. Maybe his hands slipped off the pole, maybe he lost his balance?? No, no, it wasn't like that, i know he did that on purpose after a few occurrences. So he began to blabber to himself, and even though my music was on full blast, i can still hear him. There was one time, he shouted something, which was unclear, and it was scary. This part which i'm gonna write down is terrifying for me. I was browsing through the newspaper, and it was about Norah Jones's half sister, out of sudden, that guy pulled the newspaper to look at it. To avoid a tussle, i entertained him reluctantly. So he began questioning about things, so i said yar, yar and yar. C'mon, what do you expect me to answer? I don't even recognise him. Even when the bus turned, he leaned against me with his dirty attire. I hoped he didn't have any infectious disease or something. I was relieved when the girl who sat at the end wanted to alight, BECAUSE HE WENT OFF TO!!! Damn mofo la. It didn't end up though, he watched closely at this guy who was playing PSP, and commented on the way he played. Seriously, it was like, "the night at Elm Street".

When he alighted, i sighed of relief, but that dumb ass Bavani giggled thinking it was funny. Eh, but it was thinking about it. Nevertheless, i will never sit at the back of the bus again. Die die, i'll sit anywhere besides that cursed place. DAMN, HAHAHA!!

2008-05-23T09:50:00.007+08:00

I am out of lab in the library alone, mugging for UT, and it is chemistry, argh!!!

anyways, everyone was talking about popcorn = skipping class. So i took the first step. Thing is, i am a leader for my team, and i left. I hoped they don't mind. I am so hungry that i can swallow anything down my throat. The view of Cafe Galilee is tempting me, but i am not going to eat alone. It is shocking for some people that i left during lab sessions, and hell yes, i know the consequences of my actions. However, no use regretting because i am already out. LOL.

Basically, i got nothing fun to blog about, but the conversation i had with Ellen on tuesday was rather hilarious. I was myself, disturbing her as she does to me, so we started swearing each other, "Fuck you, fuck you!!". So suddenly i thought of something. Since Ellen eats pork and it's not Halal, whereas i eat Halal stuff, i said this, "don't fuck me, i'm Halal unlike you, or mine will be contaminated with piggy stuff or PORK." It was, what the hell was i thinking, but it's a crappy joke which got us thinking about it. this is my fucked up sista, she's rotten and i'm still fresh. LOL. I have still not watch her performance, and she told me she's singing one of Paramore songs which is our favourite, soooo looking forward to it. So Marcus and I have been eyeing a few girls in school, not that we are desperate or something, we just find it appealing and make-us-feel-gooood. The eye-to-eye contact makes us feel so high school. I mean it, it reminds me of the fling i had with this chinese girl. In the end, it didn't work out. However, the feeling is so great. Hmm, i think this girl which i have been bumping into, is sweet and often, it ends up in us looking into each other eyes. Nonetheless, she looks good even though she has a petite body, but i'm still moodless for love. HAHAHA...

I remembered something, i text Ellen about this particular guy and girl in our school. I pity the guy because he is trying his best doing everything to capture the girl's heart, and he's been trying. Ellen told me that, so it ain't assumptions. I mean this girl deserve a reality check, if you shower the guy with your feelings, isn't that obvious that there is something going on between them. C'mon, playing with feelings aren't cool, especially if the guy is being honest to you. I don't know what the girl's intentions are, but me and Ellen are looking at the bright side of the ordeal. We hope the best out of them, but something have to be done, or else, it could turn horrible for the guy, and the girl may walked away and never look back. I know what it seems like, because i know how it felt thinking that you are meant for that special someone, but in the end, it didn't work out. Whatever it is, tell yourself that it's not your mistake, it's not your loss, because your conviviality is something that any other girl will look out for. So smile!!!

Fuuh, i think it's a long entry. back to mugging =[

2008-05-19T20:09:00.002+08:00

We've learned to run from
Anything uncomfortable
We've tied our pain below and no one ever has to know
That inside we're broken
I tried to patch things up again
To cut my tears and kill my fears
But have I told you how I..

I'm not going
Cause I've been waiting for a miracle
And I'm not leaving
I won't let you
Let you give up on a miracle
Cause it might save you

It's not faith if,
if you use your eyes
Oh why

I know sometimes ignorance is bliss, but everything have its limits, don't they? We all know, surely me, that he will never change for one bit. If he is behaving, there will something up his sleeve, after all i know what he is up to. However, i can't do anything because i am suppose to give him a respect, so i'm giving it to him, by shutting up. That's the way, because sooner or later the others will find it strange, and more things will resurface, and it will be the same thing again and again. It is crap, and i am so tired, sick to my stomach that i don't even bother anymore. All i hope now is for a miracle to happen.

I have achieved so many things for the past years, and i'll never give everything up just for you. I have play my part, now it's your turn. Neither me or she will walk away, we'll stay put. Nobody is running away from the fact that our members know. Everyone have tried to hide the secret from the outside world. Inside, i'm broken, but i have to live life to the fullest. I filled myself with activities to occupy my mind, to keep the anguish and tears off me. Why can't you use your eyes and heart to tell whether the nonsense you did was wrong to our eyes, and the reason behind were all lies, BULLSHIT.

I am not a small kid who will eat up all your lies, and even if i am a kid, i've gone through a lot in life to know that all that was pack of lies. I can't do more than what i have done, but hope for a miracle, i hope it really comes fast, because no one seems to be fine with the situation.

This shoutout is to Jenifer. Thanks again, you insist of the positive things. I know sometimes i advise few of my friends to be positive, but on the other hand, i can be so negative about things. Hey dear, i am glad i know you a year ago, but the friendship blossoms so fast that it is like more than a year. I don't know how to repay you and the others who have always been there for me. Thanks a lot, with you, i've never given up, but strive for the best.

2008-05-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

These photos are proofs that on Mother's Day, i had a good time with my mum. After all, it's Mother's Day. Weird thing is, its not Mum who bought stuff, but it was me. Furthermore, mum bought me another cap which is the all black with the small Boston symbol on the left side. I think i psycho-ed her into buying the other cap. This is what i told her, " Hmm, mum, i need to buy another cap". Mum replied, "WHY?" Me, " Like when you wear scarf, you will need different varieties, not only one, so its the same concept for cap." Mum's reaction was comical, " Hmm, it is making sense, LET'S GET ONE NOW!!." I was so hype when she said yes, because the person who is selling the cap is a friend of mine. So when we were in the shop, i was so fickle-minded that my mum just took a cap putting on her head and look at the mirror. So there is one part that me and her, took two caps that we found that was appealing and matched with all my clothes that i have at home, looked into the mirror and talking like two Afro-Americans, and my friend was laughing away. So finally we took the one with buildings on the cap. Oh man, my mum is the shizz y'all.

So basically, this week is expected to be good. Few lessons are expected to be tough, but man, i have to go through so that i'll learn something. With my classmates, learning is much more better. Nonetheless, everything depends on how i want it to be. I want to be on top everytime, but life is like a roller coaster ride, but i don't want the one sitting on it and suffering, but the one enjoying the ride. So for now, i'm enjoying myself. And Ellen and Bavani, better not put up the photos, because it was the foolish moment of my life, but i love bringing laughter into the class. That's what i do best at.

2008-05-08T21:56:00.002+08:00

waddup peeps, today was finally a great day for Microbiology. A relief faci came in and her name is Dr Anu Singh. Initially, i thought she's the strict, uptight kind of person. But that was totally wrong when she started to open her mouth and crack some jokes. She was emphasizing on how we are not supposed to chit chat in the lab, but she was the one who acts as a clown and entertained the whole class. The whole class was demanding her to take our class for Microbiology, which will be an enjoyable time learning. Initially she thought our class is a bore because of the comments by our absent faci. However, we prove her wrong and she said this is the best ever class she ever taught man. W54M FLY HIGH, LOW RIDE, WE BALLIN Y'ALL!!! There was this sarcastic remark made by her which we all laughed hysterically. She was asking why E.Coli is called as it is, then Zheng Kai said because it is called E.Coli. This is what she answered,"Thank you very much, you've broadened my knowledge." What the efff, she's cool man, she's the shizz. There was more but i couldn't particularly state all down here.

I wish she'll be back soon. I mean not that Li Li is boring, but truthfully, i don't seem to learn as well as Dr Anu's lesson. However, Dr Anu said that everything belongs to us, we have choices whether to succeed or fail, so choose one, and she believe everyone in our class can do well. Thanks Dr.Anu. I want to succeed too, i hope nothing comes in my way.

Bye

2008-05-07T19:55:00.003+08:00

I really should have done this long time ago but due to the priority of me supporting, i stayed and i really regret. It's not easy now, with two new people, everything seems in a mess. I've never screamed or yelled at someone for a very long time. I know they are not to be blame, their parents should be, but they are so annoying. They can be very rude at times, damn stubborn and think they are the boss and we are the servants. I can just whoop their candy asses and ask them to return to where they belong. Sometimes, i wish i had the whole time with my mama. Food is missing, and barely there will be something left. It's so abysmal, that i have to resort of leaving and dine out, which of course, a waste of money. My room is like a pig's den( i don't know whether it's an appropriate word) because pig is always around mud or shit, and which is indirectly describing my room.

Today, i had lunch with my mum after sending and fetching them. I had a quality time with mama, but it's not the best. I was as usual, hungry, so i suggest to eat in a restaurant at Haji Lane, which is suitable for me, her and the boy. Everything was fine until the part when i ordered Chendol, so i began to drink and didn't ask anyone if they want to have a sip. Out of the blue, the boy wanted to taste some, and i'm not the type of person who have everything to myself, i let him have a sip. Initially i was ok with it, until one point of time when he insist of having more and when i refused, he fumed and start throwing tantrums, so i reluctantly gave it. I had only 2 sips of Chendol, so when he demanded for it, i get pissed off. So he began to gulp it, and i was dumb to think that he'll return it to me. I waited till i ran out of patience, i took it back, but he fought back, so as a elder person, i gave in to him. My mama nagged at him and he replied saying i just want to know how it taste like. I gave mama the disgusted look, and she knows what it meant. C'mon man, you're a kid, my mama took you here out of sympathy because you know nothing, the next time it happens again, i really gonna take it back, and if you weep, nobody give a damn and it doesn't matter if people look at you. Same thing applies to your sister. No one ain't touching my stuff without my permission, and what gives you and your sister to roam around the house to ransack my staff. I know both of you are not to blame, but you are in our house, the rules in your house and mine are discrete. Never apply it to my house. I am trying my very best to help you guys, but if both of you snub off my warning, then both of you have to bear the consequences. Show that both of you deserve to get the place in my house, i can see improvements in studies, but attitude still sucks. So buck up dawg.

I have to wait, always waiting man. I hate waiting, and i want to do things for myself. I want the guitar lessons, because i want to do it for myself. For once, please lemme do something that i feel i will strive in it, since i can dance, why not guitar, then it'll be a complete set of talent, LOL, kidding. And on 8th June, i'll be going for holiday, after 4 years of delaying. It's free thanks to Acik, but i have to bring my own money for shopping. I have to make a shopping list soon especially more polo-t's. I'm getting a new pair of shoes soon, maybe this sunday with mama. However, i don't feel like having a vacation, because i worried about mama so much. She always insists of me going for a vacation. Otherwise, the other party always reject the idea of me going away. Like last two years, i wanted to go back to my village in Malacca with granny, but the other party told me off when the person who i'm going with is not a stranger but we are biologically related. I missed my Indian, Chinese and Malay cousins in Malacca. We used to meet up in Singapore every festive season, and enjoy the time together, but due to the increase price of oil and mostly everything, meeting up is rare these few years. I'm just glad we still contact each other and i have something to look out for in June and December because i might be meeting them, and i miss my chinese aunt, who's name is Busu Tina, she adores me so much, and she's the one who taught me Chinese when i was young, i love her and i miss her to bits and pieces!! Hope to see her soon.

I'll update soon, now, i need to eat. peace y'all.

2008-05-06T22:13:00.005+08:00

First thing first, this shoutout is for Ellen. Dawg, i tell you this, get it into your head. All these is really bullshit. What had happen to you is familiar to me. All i want you to know, none of these are ever your fault. Damn right, i think you are the most understanding girlfriend that i have ever known. No one deserve to be treated like a piece of shit man, not man or woman. Yes, you can be pissed off, but don't vent it on yourself please, because you gave everything to him, love, trust and more. Don't blame yourself for not believing to your friend's warning and your intuition, because you don't expect it to turn this way. Just treat this as a lesson for all of us. Hell yeah he is cheating, i was pissed off when u smsed me on Monday morning, but i have no right to scold, i don't know him, but for him talking about me when he knew nothing at all sucks. For a reason, i was ashamed because i am a man, knowing another man's actions towards woman which is insensitive, it is a big shame. I can be a skinny mat, but i don't have the guts to cheat on woman. He is trippin' and he's eating himself up by lying and more lying. Well, stop comparing between two people, because each person have their special features, and stop complaining what the other can give you and vice versa. Instead, you should ask what you can give to her to make things better. When comparing starts, nothing will be right. C'mon man, there are more FAT guys out there who is adorable and know how to appreciate love. LOL. Love involves the heart, and if someone betrays your love, you will suffer. Trust me, you'll think about it, but nothing can bring it back and i bet you don't want to lick what you spit. So sista, be yourself even if you can't. I'm not forcing you to hide your feelings. There's one good example here which is me, if i can i want to complain about life almost everyday, but the people out there have nothing to do with my problems, so i'll "adapt" to the environment and like how W54M makes my day, i'll blend in.

Ellen, love is blind, but don't make this as an excuse. Don't let love blind the eye of your heart. When it closes, you can be vulnerable and anything can happen to you. Thanks for the shoutout, but i hate seeing my friends in a state of despair because of the things that are not their fault. That's my nature. I hope you will be fine soon and be the normal pork again. For now, catch up with your friends, it'll be fantastic. Try to do something that will distract yourself or entertain yourself in any way. Cheer up soon, i'm free 24/7, do tell me if you need anything. =-] see ya four eye freak...

I think it's long enough, shorter than Ellen's post though, i hope you'll feel better after reading my post.

PS: No one deserve to be treated like shit. Love is beautiful but it kills too, especially to someone who does not appreciate love.

2008-05-05T21:40:00.005+08:00

i had a bad Friday night, but i didn't tell Jenifer about it because she's working. i told her what happened only on Saturday night. After a few smses, she told me these,
"Well, you have to find the best way for yourself. Only you can help yourself. Though it is really hard, you have to fight it. Friends can accompany you through the process. Family problem, only you, yes you know the best. You have to talk it out with them. At times they love us too much that they do things that we dislike." The rest is confidential. What Jenifer says is true. She's the friend who i confide to when something bad happen. I feel bad telling her everything, but she's the only one who really understands my situation. I know she can't do anything, but the advice she gave me are very optimistic. I don't know how she can be so positive when things aren't going her way. She's my admiration, just like my mom( more to my mom la, LOL). Almost every week i'll be texting her, talking about the same thing, but never once, she said she's sick of listening to the same thing again and again. Instead, she ask me to open up and tell her, i know that i shouldn't bother her because she have her own life too, but she refused to accept my excuse and demand me to tell her. I love her man, she's my idiotic friend ever. Thanks Jenifer.

I know shit happens. If these shit happens for 6 years, it ain't shit. A cleaner can clear shit in a day, or even for a few hours, because he/she is willing to change just to clear the shit. So problem is, the cleaner in here is not willing to change to clear the shit. Instead, i have to sniff the stench for years. I have tried my very best to have everything change, but it is not working. Like how you need two hands to clap, i only have one to clap. It's freaking annoying because the other hand knows that i need it but it just won't come to me, and worse thing is, drifting away from me. Like what ellen said, "Just kind worried about you. I don't know how you stay so normal". So i replied, "in fact i'm not normal, i just have to live with this till my m__ decide to get it over with and i bet it'll not be over soon. So i act being normal, i have to." I have to Ellen, i'm living a life of a hypocrite not because i want to, because i am forced to. I don't want to go to school with all these problems on my shoulders, and for what reason i have to show it to you guys who make my day everyday.

And whatever Ellen goes through, she should know all these is not her fault. I have gone through what she have, so i know what is going through her mind. She may be laughing but deep in her heart, questions are building in her heart. Never easy man, it'll take months, but as day goes by, enjoy yourself, i know it sounds cliche, but really, you'll be back to yourself. I can't help but i am more than willing to cheer you up man, just like how you say i got this cock face, LOL. and porker = pork + fucker. haha, wish you all the best man. see ya.

peace..

2008-05-01T21:46:00.002+08:00

This girl is lunatic, she's cursing someone in the camera.

The next thing, she went clueless, or rather possessed.
Next, she gives the cunning look to Bavani. As usual, Bavani gave the WHATEVER look.

Today was simply awesome, with the Pork clique, without Marcus who fell ill. Too bad, threesome was as good. The Gundu Ellen reached town at 1.40 when we are supposed to be early. She tried to be an early bird, salute her la. We headed to John Little to get my superman pants, LOL, they know what i meant la. Hmm, what we did next was eat which is my hobby, they call me bottomless pit, like whatever. KFC was delicious, finger-licking good especially zinger meal. The rest is confidential, they know what i did to myself.

Furthermore, there's no eating of pork today, so grateful!! If not i'll suffer, ellen and bavani will sure drill me with pork, pork and pork. Anyways, Ellen is kinda transparent, because people keep banging into her, thanks people, LMAO. Bavani was equally idiotic as well, call me pig when i was eating like any other human. Both are idiotic anus. LOL, and the way Ellen chewed her popcorn was damn hilarious, it involves the whole face, sadly i got no pictures of it.

Harold and Kumar is a must watch movie. Although some parts are disgusting, it was comical. It can make you drop on the floor. It was worth the $10, in the end three of us had so much fun. A M18 movie though, so those who are 18 and above, catch it. Some phrases in the movies are still ringing in my head.

Getting lethargic, gonna sleep now. BYE!!

2008-04-30T15:51:00.003+08:00

Paramore - That's what you get

No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, to take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt, so much?

I can't decide.
You have made it harder just to go on
And why?
All the possibilities...
Well I was wrong.

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa...
I drown out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why? All the possibilities. I'm sure you've heard.

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa..
I drown out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

They, make your way to me. (to me)
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start... Start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to her so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win!Whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

Now I can't trust myself with anything but this,
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

This bunch of lyrics really make sense. It takes one decision to destroy everything. So wake up, stop hurting people, because life is a cycle, it may come back to you.

Thanks Ellen for hooking me up with Paramore. They are so motivational in a ROCK way.
waddup PARAMORE, you so fly.

2008-04-30T15:17:00.003+08:00

WHAT THE PORK WOMAN, NICE NAME THO, ELLEN OINK!!

IT IS SO UNBELIEVABLE THAT A PORK CAN HOLD A CAMERA.

SHE LOOKS LIKE MONA LISA. LOL. OR A ______.

So precisely the girl in the above picture just love pork so much, that every conversation we had, there will always be pork. You can see from the first picture that her face is almost the same as her favourite animal. She is so crazy due to the PORKIFICATION or PORKIFY she did to herself. Weird thing is, pork is related to me, i ain't pork lover, i don't even though how it taste like. But thanks to her, she describe every taste of it to me, and I'm not convinced that it's nice thanks to the crappy picture IN HER BLOG. And she got the cheek to think of me when she saw the stupid pig's head. Disgusting y'all, seriously.

And I was the 2nd guy that you and the other species of pork prank. But thanks to no PORK in my life, i was smart enough that it was a prank. So last night, i knew who the culprit is, it is ELLEN OINK's friend, BAVANI. I KILL YA, LMAO. But i enjoyed the whole time with the PORKIFY clique. Seriously, all of us need to wash our brains, sometimes it can be pathetic la. From now on, i want to be an enthusiast, to kill the bad moments in my life. Nonetheless, i should be proud of myself for making thus far. And meet a whole bunch of crazy people. I miss dancing, and now ellen, marcus, ZK and izzan wants to learn guitar, i want but some things need to be considered.

Anyway, ELLEN, i need a cat like so soon before the holiday starts, so that i won't be bored. At least, i can have a companion even though it is an animal. SPCA here i come. I love cats, simply adorable, unlike PORK, it is so unpleasant. Lol, enough of the update, see ya and the others 2mr.
Peace out.

2008-04-26T21:02:00.004+08:00

The Serangoon-ians

The clown

Eh yo Momma, What the ELLEN!!

I am so in love with W54M. They rock my world. I hate weekends because the class laughter just make my day. Seriously, i want to go school everyday. The jokes we have are so comical. With different characters to laugh at, no wonder the class rocks. And and, the class helps each other out when there's doubt or difficulties in answering the problem statement. And Ellen sucks to the core man, haha, no la, she's the WHAT THE friend i have, and Bavani, Marcus and many more.

Yesterday was one heck of day. My chemistry faci sucks big time. The way she correct our mistakes is so condemning. She didn't go through the procedures, and not introducing us to the apparatus and say it is in our resources, and everything was our mistake, and she was strongly denying any part in our mistake doing the experiment. How are we supposed to read the whole resources, when there's a need for everyone to participate in the calculation? I know there's 5 brains, but not every brains remember what we learned in secondary school damn it. And yes, i have the cheek to argue if i know nobody is wrong. It's fine if you want to correct us, but do it positively, not condemning us as if we know everything. And the quiz, obviously we have to memorise and understand right, does it make sense? I know memorising is not essential, but we're not some smart students who can understand everything, so by memorising, it'll be better. So don't try to sabotage another faci because i won't let it happen. Mistakes happen to everyone, get it right, even you as the faci makes mistake. I know RP is about PBL, but if it didn't help and make us , then do help us, because not everything about chemistry we know. i just want to let the faci know, things can get worse, but haiz, i'm cool, and Amir is so hilarious when the faci scolded them. Chill for now, mugging, so stress!!

2008-04-24T17:36:00.002+08:00

Jenifier was feeling unwell, so i have to find a friend to go school with, smsed Bavani and Marcus, but they have a company, so i smsed Ellen, my new "EH YO MOMMA BITCH" friend man. She's the new sista in the hood, in my hood. I met her up to walk to school man, supposed to cab, but it was still early, so save up some money.

She told me some things, so i blog hopped and read her latest entry. It was harsh man, seriously, if i am the person i was 10 years back, it'll go horribly wrong. I don't care if you're working at an authority shit, if you blabber about a person you barely know, i'll grab some crap and stuff it inside your mouth, It was just a decent walk to school, if you feel that she needs your company, get by her side and send her to school man. Get it right, stuck it up and knock some sense into yourself. And me a mat, get it right, who is now? I don't understand why man, life can be so tough when everything seems to be all right. Damn.

Nonetheless, it was fantastic to know ellen. She's not like a bimbo, because she's half-norwegian half-chinese because some people want to be so bimbo when they are not even an ang moh. Basically, she's the only person from W54M who knows the other side of me, and i don't even look like the kid from hell. I look so kiddo, as if i'm in year 1, which is so not good. I should frown almost everytime and wrinkles will form, then i will look like 21. LOL.

man, weekends coming, and it sucks. i have nothing to do, see whether there's dance lesson. peace y'all.

2008-04-23T21:00:00.004+08:00

The trip to Heritage Conservation Centre was awesome. The surroundings with the artifacts, paintings and the process to preserve heritage was wonderful. The scenery of heritage items that are so symbolic such as a wooden table which was a witness to a treaty between Singapore and Malaysia was huge. The 3D paintings, were jaw dropper man. The process of conserving heritage, is very complicating, involving science. I can work there some day, LOL.. the use of microscope, acid and alkaline, and the best element for the Heritage Centre is nitrogen, and and, the cargo lift, damn, it's huge, it's like a classroom, and as if i am in a space ship like those in star wars movies.

This one is much more eye-catching, the french girl who followed us around as well. Her eyes, her smile is beautiful. I stole a glance to see more of her, but she realised it and smiled at me. Oh man, i lost control of my smile and giggled. She giggled too. Nonetheless, it's good to see someone from my great granddad's country here in Singapore. I talked to her once and her voice too was simply great to hear. WHEN I AM GOING TO FRANCE??!!

I think tomorrow gonna be somehow as fun as today. I know it can be crazy but never mind, it's better than being stressful. Home Affairs are full of crazy people especially the president. With the stupid move from Jim Jones-We fly high, and everyone is addicted to it. Lab tomorrow, get to be the Michael Jackson from weird science 2008.

Lastly, Liverpool should not be laying back,but fighting back, and Riise seriously have to get back a goal with his long range shot. Bring down the bridge man, ad get it right, Stamford Bridge....peace y'all..

"i'll never let you fall. i'll stand up with you forever. i'll be there for you through it all, even though saving you sends me to heaven", i use to think a lot for you, now you can go to hell, or just bury under the ground and maggots eat you up, or even vultures.

2008-04-19T22:01:00.003+08:00

The argument we had woke me up from blindness. Some people are sensitive so certain things can't be done here and there. Yes, i admit that i neglect you and somehow use you. I just can't stop thinking, but yes, things have to go on. I gain some and lose some. Anyways, it was a good time to point out my thoughts, it felt better, rather to keeping it. She was right for certain points, and i, wanted to defend myself, was furious for certain reasons. I could have said more, but i can't afford to.

Yes, the next thing i knew, i saw you in the bus home, but it was only for a few moment. I don't know if you saw me, but who really cares, a schoolmate is not a big deal. I don't want to be a troublemaker, i'll try my best not to cross your path in life. I know you did something that i think we both know. My point is, yes it is your blog, you can write whatever you feel like blogging. But when the blog becomes offensive to someone, that the other party have the right to clarify and explain things. I can reply to your stand by saying, it's my mouth, and i can say whatever i want to say because i am feeling the anger that comes from whatever you blog. But no, i know the limits, i love being straightforward that's the reason why i want to point out what you blog are untrue for some parts.

Enough shit, i may lose you as a friend, the feeling is much more worse than losing a gf. However, i cannot let theses woes overcome my thoughts. I still got other friends to hang on too, the misunderstanding between us have to resolve soon. Happy times are treasured.

Anyways, school have been great, bullshit here and there, but lesson are quite interesting, and lab session was fun, when you can dressed up like Michael Jackson and be a geek. The class is always full of laughter, and W54M called me RNA, like whatever, haha. They say i look like a baby with the short hair, ticklish and much more, at least i know i'm having fun and learning something new every week. I hope i don't screw up my presentation this mon. Nevertheless, my class do help one another learn and clarify our doubts. Listening music together as a class, stress out together, grab some food, and lots more. Hmm, gonna post some pictures of lab session for the next entry. Gonna sleep early because there's work tomorrow.

"boys are synthetic sugar. they caused cancer in girls". i watched melody's blog and there's this video, it's quite true in a way, but it can happen to either boys or girls. it's a lesson learned. her blog is always so motivational, although the entries posted are devastating, learn from it y'all. Enjoy!!

2008-04-15T21:39:00.004+08:00

The picture at your right just got me into trouble for these two days man. It is quite confusing and was so pissed of with myself because i got all the information jumbled up like fuck. On Monday, i got mixed up when DNA tighten up and loosen up, the process when DNA got transcribe and mitoses. Oh man, it sucks big time. For today the facilitator said my presentation was somehow irrelevant, like what the hell. Anyways, i should not deter myself to stop learning but continue to strive hard. I want to go beyond laptop, seriously, i need the library, and I'm going with miss nice, i guess.

Stop being negative, i just can't stop thinking why things have to happen this way. Why in the world she thinks i betrayed her friendship? Why does she have to think that i used her to get over my girlfriend, like what the. Where did i go wrong again? You know what N, i got back with everyone that i am closed with before or after i was with my girlfriend, not only you. I tried to catch up what I've lost, the fun, the sharing sessions with my friends. I know we used to be close but that does not mean anything. And betrayal, what crap is that? It's never fine if my girlfriend tried to mock you, i defended you. You don't know these things, you said it like you know everything. I wanted to tell you all these straight up to you but I'm afraid you'll be offended.

This is all i have to say, and Bavani, thanks for stressing on the update part. =]

2008-04-09T21:38:00.002+08:00

Start the day with school, a CE activity, it was a great and enjoyable experience because i just know that soil can be crystallised and turned into different colour. It was kind of environmental and related to my course. I did five but can only take one, and shit, i had to carry all the way to town to meet my dear friend, Donut. She's working, and i haven't seen her for years, but i met her yesterday, but met her again today. She and her crap, sitting outside burger king at wheelock when there were the freaking pigeons. I hate them, flying around, and one of it's flapping wings touches me, i seriously hate them.

Nonetheless, i enjoyed my time with her. She looked older than me with the formal wear. Walked to and fro from isetan to far east, to check out some hoody. It was 39, but the length of the hoody was shorter, and she agreed to. We had some common flavas. WHY? she likes blue, me too. She's a left hander, i am too. Her horoscope is cancer, and me too. LOL.
Aiya, now i feel like meeting her everyday because the time spent is filled with laughter, and the best medicine.

Da, gonna sleep now.

2008-04-08T21:38:00.004+08:00

it was the 2nd day of school. So tried to get to know a few more people better. I think i am so fortunate to get into a class which is full of laughter. It kinda take a few pressure off my shoulders. I think the problems so far are relatively easy but yesterday's was tough. Anyways, biology is tough but interesting. Just have to look up some books to clarify my doubts.

Today was damn hilarious, a guy wanted to said organism, but he said orgasm instead, i start to laugh hysterically then followed by the rest. I can't stand the way he said, so confidently, "so living ORGASMS have to rely on each other", damn, my whole head was freaking red, but i think that guy can't take jokes, but who cares, it was funny. When i told jer, jer laughed at it too.

Lastly, i hope this year, everything goes fine. I think i like you like i used too but i don't want to hurt anyone again, and i shouldn't enter anyone's life wholefully again. I'm sorry that i fell for her but not you. Because deep in my heart, i knew that you deserve someone better. My life is full of thrills, surprises, arguments, heartache, sorrows, and dilemma, and picturing you with me in this together is a BIG NO. Sorry, i had a chat with your friend and she told me something. N, i hope i can hang out, go bugis, secret recipe with you again, but i doubt it'll happen again.

2008-04-05T15:55:00.005+08:00

I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE SCREAM FOR ICECREAM!! LOVE!! =]

After i woke up from sleep on Thursday, at 5, i had a bloody nose, red eyes and gasping from air. Was rushed to hospital, examined by the doctor, the doctor gave me a look. I overheard him saying that i am suffering emotionally and spiritually. I don't know why he said that but i think i am. I hope everything ends so that i don't have to face the world anymore. So much for the moral support to melly when i can't do it to myself. I don't know why, but i just want others to be well, i don't mind if i am well or unwell, as long, others are fine.

I would like to apologise to W34N peeps, if the drawing and the words did hurt your feelings, i'm sorry. This wouldn't happen if i'm not there. I hope you guys have no grudge against him or her. If at any point of time on that very day, you guys feel like the chalet is turning into a boring place, i'm really sorry, from my heart, i swear it won't happen again.

2008-04-05T14:44:00.008+08:00

there's more.....

i don't know whether i should blog these few days because some things just got me thinking. Anyway, above all these, there were some memorable events that happened. W34N's chalet rox. I was supposed to meet jer at 3, but end up i was late. Luckily melody was not there yet. So we proceed to NTUC to buy some staff. We took 59 to changi village, i was still ok but when the us was at kaki bukit, i start to feel nervous, anxious and confused. I had butterflies, my hand was cold, that's what melly and jer told me. Guess i was not prepared, i had to maintain my cool. Met taj, isa, sanjay, zeez's and her bf. My whole body was sweating when the weather was quite cold. After a while, it was ok.

So head to chalet by cab, and it's only $3.80. LOL. Nick, james, joeven, ah qiang, melissa and farhanah were all there crapping. It was nice to see those bunch of people again. So everyone talked about life, what's happening around them, obviously they know about mine. Everyone was eager for the bbq, guess they were all hungry, but the rain poured a few minutes after the bbq starts. Meanwhile, had a badminton session with james, isa, melly, and jer. Sweat it all out, and i guess james was the winner. BBQ session resumes, everyone were in it, because of the food. The most delicious was the chicken wing. I think the BBQ session lasted for hours. After finishing the food, james displayed his magic to bao yan and melly. Nick was blasting the music, jer and a few other people smoke, basically everyone were filled with activities. After a while, they planned to go for some adventure at OCH, I don't want to go. In the end everyone cancelled that plan, and started drinking. I was just a spectator, ending up watching tv upstairs.

Midnight came, everyone was walking to changi village, to grab some food. That's when Melly left. We saw some hookers, waiting to be hooked. I thought they wanted to cross to the other side of the junction, but they were actualy waiting for someone to pick them up. LOL. Sanjay and Isa fell asleep. Taj, farhanah, and jer left. The rest including me stayed up and talk, talk and talk. Something spooked us in the middle of the night, but nothing was there. We had to go up and down to check if anyone was there. It was scary when we heard someone with long nails scratching against something hard. Nevertheless, it was a "great" experience for us, maybe this happened because of the cancelled plan to OCH.

I fell asleep only for a few hours, left chalet at 8, reached home aroud 9.30 and slept till 5p.m. I miss these guys that i wish we can live together in a chalet. I don't mind, seriously.

Swensen

2008-03-29T22:10:00.004+08:00

a feast of Swensen on this very day. So shiok!! It is so mouthwatering, i am such a pig today. sad thing is i'm not gonna grow fat. The pictures are going to speak.

these are the main dish :

here comes the dessert

two words for everything

2008-03-22T22:07:00.004+08:00

one month after the break up, it was never easy forgetting her, never will be. It seems like the wound is healing, but maybe another wound is forming, but fret not, i will try to refrain from getting another one. Is it really time to move on with love and life, well i really hope so. I still wonder why this and that happen, maybe there were signs that it's going to happen, but i was blinded by love. Love is blind, yes, but don't let it blind your heart, don't let it cast a shadow over your life. Trust me, it'll be horrible. Maybe the wound may help us better in love and life.

I wish i can go Krabi with my "gf", still hoping for a holiday even though left two weeks till school reopen. I wish she can squeeze me into her luggage and bring me there without no one knowing. Too bad, i told her i wanted to go for a holiday after she bought her air tickets. It's been days I've been chatting with her, and it feels kinda good, cos we are in the same boat. So she's flying off on Monday, wanted to send her off with Jer and James, but she said don't have to. I guess i have to anticipate her return on Friday, i guess. I'm gonna miss her badly. Enjoy yourself dear, may things turn out better after you return on Fri. Text me when you arrive. I'll miss your words, laughter, your awesome hair and you. haha. Loves!! =] Bye...

enjoyable moment

2008-03-18T23:36:00.007+08:00

oh man, today, i met a few friends, There were Jerlyn, James, and Melody Loy(my new pink "gf"). We went Starbucks to chill,and we sat there for almost 4 hours, chatting about the same thing, but this time it turns out to be more humorous than ever. More ideas on how to handle cases, enough of talking about me, we turn our attention to my new "gf" on how things turned sour for her. I love her hair(of course her too), combination of pink and black. She's going Thailand on the 24th, gonna miss her, anyways James, me and Jer tried to warned her about the ghostly staffs there, she was shocked.

Thing that irritate me was the pigeon, it was flying just above us, and i keep ducking to avoid it. Weird thing is, Jer said it was cute, what was she thinking? She's just weird, really. We all can't wait for W34N's chalet, for some reasons, there's something that we bet on, that can't be revealed here.

I just wish that everything is in place, for me and my "gf". I hope that she'll be stronger than ever and don't let "boys" play around with her. She looks wild and more outspoken. It's good to see her in this way, i wish i can do something about my hair like she did. It's fantastically awesome. While i'm writing this, she's still in town. I love the new her, enjoy yourself. There will always be someone better out there who deserved your love. Loves!! =]

Here are some of the pictures:

Starbucks for life!!

The "cute" pose from the "cute" pigeon..

James looks like a kid..

Jer have not took a pic of herself, for years!!

my new shy love with the Starbucks face..LOL

2008-03-15T22:45:00.007+08:00

Man, yesterday was one hell of a time. It was nicholas's birthday. I reached, hmm, around 6.00. There was Tony, Nich, Eric, Jac and other two. A lot of people came some time later. Jac and me start bbqing at 6.30 even though there were only 6 people at that time, but we don't give a damn because we were hungry. The funny part of bbqing was when Jac told us that how to know whether the stingray is ready to eat. She'd done her research on it. What the..

Few moments later came miss nice and jin man. It's been a year since i saw her, and she claim that she's fat, what the hell she was thinking. She's not fat, if she's fat, i don't know what's obese. Only talk to her few times, but everytime it ends with a laughter. She's crazy. I knew why she left early. haha, she's weird. LOL.

So there was the cake, i wanted to eat but it ends up smashed onto nicholas's face and the bash that they did to him was too much. I don't like the idea, pitied those who bought the cake.

Jac wanted me to stay but i pitied Hakim. So in the end, i went home with Hakim. As usual, he wanted to know if anything happens to me, i said nah.

End the day with a few smses with miss nice. She was upset over something. It's not her fault though. School reopening for her on Monday and she don't like the idea at all, the same her, never change one bit. So she'll be 18 in 1 month's time, and she kicked me before she left for home, it hurts. Luckily, the plan to play soccer was cancelled, if not, my leg will end up full of bruises.

Here are some of the pictures.

Birthday boy sitting, with eyes closed, acting cool..

The cake end up on his face, and on the floor. damn, the cake was so tempting.

2008-03-12T20:51:00.006+08:00

hi people. it was raining heavily and it was a nice weather to sleep. Too bad, i have a meet up with jenifer. It's been long since i saw her idiot face. We met up at 4, and i have to walk through the heavy rain to meet her at the other side of marina square. We had a long chat in pizza hut, she asked me to finish up all the leftover food, such an idiot. lol. She was shocked to hear some things, but same thing again, i tell her maybe it's my fault. After like one and half hours eating and chatting, went watsons to find a gift. LOL. then make our way down to serangoon when she met up with her friends. Had to entertain her for half an hour cos her friends are late and listen to her favourite song, it's nice.

this is for miss nice, i know in cyber world, i can be mean, but in person, i don't really meant what i said. have i ever done mean things to you in real world. if the comments and my msn nick sounds offensive, then i apologise. it's the best i can offer, really. just know that being mean is not always nice. i know it's beyond the limit, i just know. But i don't want to assume or guess because it may not be right. and YOU, stay nice, never be mean. i may sound serious, and yes i am. good night..

hi people

2008-03-11T23:24:00.005+08:00

this whole day was fun not including the time doing housework and memorising some stuff. i'll be expecting two kids who are considered "orphans". They have parents, but it seems like they don't care. Their age, only around 9 and 7. I don't know what the hell their parents are thinking. They don't care much about their kid's education, i mean welfare. Work and know nothing else. These two kids are innocent, they know nothing, they can barely pronounce the simplest word. It's so frustating to see their state.

if they want to do everything without their children, don't ever think of having kids man. Sometimes, i feel like scolding my mum for forking out every penny for them, but it seems to be the right way for them to grow. I wish i can help along, using every sum of salary i have. My mum just refuse my offer. Maybe it's her way of taking some matters of her head. I respect and love her so much. Anybody try to take advantage of her, i'll pray that God make your life miserable until you know the truth.

i wish all the best for her, although times are difficult, she always manage to find her way out. I never like seeing her tears, even if it is because of me or some other matter. May God bless her with what she have done for the family and people. Honestly, i'll have gone back my old ways after the break up if it's not for her. I know i may sound dumb, but love can be a beauty and a thorn. I hope everything ends after sis take her o-levels. I just have to wait...

shopping spree

2008-03-10T21:10:00.002+08:00

i went shopping on saturday, woohoo. because for almost the past nine months, i spend on her, but no regrets, because the money kinda return to me. i bought street soccer shoes, thanks to the urge of Nicholas and some other people. I bought adidas predator, and it's red, and i realised when i was outside the shopping centre, steven gerrard from liverpool, wore that shoe and he's my all time favourite soccer player. more shopping this week, here are some of the photos.

naive, am i?

2008-03-10T15:10:00.003+08:00

i was in the bus home from work yesterday. The show on TV mobile was first moms, guess it was the last episode when every each of the woman who acted gave birth. Then there was this young couple who had a baby but the girl's dad was unhappy with it. In the end, he was okay with it because the guy promised to bear responsibility for his wife. They are a very sweet couple, when the guy bought her a ring even though it's not 24-carat diamond ring, it's the thought that counts, in the end everyone was happy with the companion of their beloved husbands.

Then it struck me, yes, it's been 3 weeks plus since the break up, but the thought of her is still clear in my mind. How can i forget her after 9 months? When i watched the show, i wish we will reach that stage, but how foolish of me to still think of it. Holding back my emotions while watching the show, i prayed hard that she'll find her true soulmate. That was what i thought when each of every husbands cuddled their babies. How naive i am? i don't know. Maybe God have someone better for me and her. My naiveness keep me going, never wanting to give up, even after we quarrel, not because of the fact that i hate her, and when i slapped and punched her, not because i want to hurt her, but to wake her up. Love is wonderful, but at the same time, it is complicated, like what miss nice said, it's strange to see someone change in a second.

lastly, she don't know i'm having a blog, but all i have to say is thanks for those days. For now, i'm glad you've bounced back. The harassment to you by i don't know who, i'm really sorry. Maybe the person was just jealous, i don't mind the authorities coming in, i have the urge to know who the person is. I may get into trouble, but now i don't feel afraid, because to know the truth, i have to sacrifice. all the best zeez.

i have to stop thinking about you, shit happen in life, and it happened to me.
thanks to all my friends, family. you guys rocks!!

W15L's bbq

2008-03-07T21:09:00.006+08:00

W15L bbq was on 6th march. It was an enjoyable moment for us. I was the joker for the night. It's been a while since i crack jokes. and even i laughed like a hyena. anyway guys, thanks for wanting to know. i feel like meeting you guys every week especially the clique. we should name our clique. lol.

wow!!

2008-03-06T22:11:00.005+08:00

i bought a camera at the IT fair. i saw quite a number of people, it's been long since i saw them, and surprisingly, all of them knew what happened to me. i'm so famous in one night. anyways it was a last minute plan to IT fair with farhana and huda. they helped me a lot in choosing. then we walked around and befriend an uncle who sells the camera. lol.

man, can't wait for some people to have their march holidays because of the fact that we are meeting. filled with activities from next Wednesday onwards. from pizza hut(again), and many more. must save up some money for bills, and lots more.

lastly, i hope nothing will happen.

da..

waiting

2008-03-05T18:01:00.003+08:00

i am waiting for someone to call me. those who are close to me know whose call i am waiting.
i am still shocked over that decision, but i have to respect it because neither me nor my friends who is trying to create hardship for me. you can call me names, whatever you want, but i'm not gonna fall again, never. till when i am going to be fool again and again?? it'll never be the same again. i let my guard down again but after this i'll not it happen again.

i wish i can see the future and see what is coming for me. Maybe like what they say, it's just a test from God to see how far can i go with His obstruction. Life sucks, yeah it can be but don't see it as a reason to fall, like me and J, we see it as an obstacle that we have to overcome throughout our life.

it will never be the same again. i don't know what is coming for me. I just hope that He's there everytime when i need Him. Because of God, i'm still strong and never gave up even though i have the thought of it. I love my mum, you can call me Momma's boy but she's the one for me. If you dragged my mum into it, i'm gonna bring you down to the ground. i swear.

i'll have to wait. while waiting, enjoy life and seek God forgiveness and help. Ameen.

bye

world is round

2008-03-04T13:26:00.002+08:00

what goes around comes around, i guess. it happened to me, like what my mum said.
i hope nobody gets it even her. i don't know why i still have the time to think for her.
i don't want to be at the back when she's already at the front. i've been called ass, idiot and so many more, but love is sick man, it can turn you into another person without you realising it.
i stil hope for her sms, but the hope is fading. i'd rather get an sms by V or anyone else. or miss nice(she's not that nice tho).

anyways, looking forward to an event. have been doing housework, like a house lady. I don't care because it will benefit me in the future. and it's the way to take away the thought of her. People ask me whether there's still some space in my heart for her, the answer used to be yes, but now no. Like what L said, I'm not a good lover if after a break up, i still don't have some love for that girl. But she seems to understand now.

after the ordeal, i hate going out, i hate being alone but at the same time I'm afraid to be alone. haha. God still love me man, there are my family, my dearest friends, and that "wonderful" miss nice. They sms or call me everyday to check me out. Guys and Girls, i'm much more better now even though she's still in my mind.

let's quit about talking this,, people who view my blog. I've been wanting to buy street soccer shoes for various reasons. So Adidas or Nike?? excited la..bye. continue doing housework. =]

hello

2008-03-03T22:11:00.009+08:00

hello, i'm new to this.

thanks to pei ling. this past few weeks was tough, but i have my family, my "bad" friends, my neighbourhood friends, my clique and my bro and my sis and miss nice. I am fortunate to have these wonderful people.

yeah, finally, i'm letting her go and start loving myself. wow!! yea, looking forward to meet some people these few weeks. from chalet, pizza huts, movies and many more.

and i think, my handphone bills will explode for this month because of the overwhelming texts and calls from people. i know it's shocking but don't do anything to stupid to get me and her back together. i know some of you guys are angry, BUT DON'T LISTEN TO ONLY MY PART OF STORY . please, by not doing anything is the best, i don't want to get into troubles anymore. so pease lay your hands off her. do it for me please.

and i am looking forward to next week to meet someone for soccer. i don't know whether to laugh at that someone for playing soccer, because it's unbelievable.

lastly, i pray that she's happy with life now, i think she is. I am moving fast now thanks to everyone.
ta!!

oh man

2008-03-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

still figuring out. damn. anw credits to pei ling la.

test post

2008-03-01T20:59:00.000+08:00

testing post 123.
its still under construction!
will be done soon!