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I'm here without you
Faiz
RP year 2, environmental science
A complicated person with a big smile =) i suffer from dilemma almost every time, so HAHA
Monday, May 5, 2008
【 9:40 PM 】
i had a bad Friday night, but i didn't tell Jenifer about it because she's working. i told her what happened only on Saturday night. After a few smses, she told me these, "Well, you have to find the best way for yourself. Only you can help yourself. Though it is really hard, you have to fight it. Friends can accompany you through the process. Family problem, only you, yes you know the best. You have to talk it out with them. At times they love us too much that they do things that we dislike."The rest is confidential. What Jenifer says is true. She's the friend who i confide to when something bad happen. I feel bad telling her everything, but she's the only one who really understands my situation. I know she can't do anything, but the advice she gave me are very optimistic. I don't know how she can be so positive when things aren't going her way. She's my admiration, just like my mom( more to my mom la, LOL). Almost every week i'll be texting her, talking about the same thing, but never once, she said she's sick of listening to the same thing again and again. Instead, she ask me to open up and tell her, i know that i shouldn't bother her because she have her own life too, but she refused to accept my excuse and demand me to tell her. I love her man, she's my idiotic friend ever. Thanks Jenifer.
I know shit happens. If these shit happens for 6 years, it ain't shit. A cleaner can clear shit in a day, or even for a few hours, because he/she is willing to change just to clear the shit. So problem is, the cleaner in here is not willing to change to clear the shit. Instead, i have to sniff the stench for years. I have tried my very best to have everything change, but it is not working. Like how you need two hands to clap, i only have one to clap. It's freaking annoying because the other hand knows that i need it but it just won't come to me, and worse thing is, drifting away from me. Like what ellen said,"Just kind worried about you. I don't know how you stay so normal".So i replied, "in fact i'm not normal, i just have to live with this till my m__ decide to get it over with and i bet it'll not be over soon. So i act being normal, i have to." I have to Ellen, i'm living a life of a hypocrite not because i want to, because i am forced to. I don't want to go to school with all these problems on my shoulders, and for what reason i have to show it to you guys who make my day everyday. And whatever Ellen goes through, she should know all these is not her fault. I have gone through what she have, so i know what is going through her mind. She may be laughing but deep in her heart, questions are building in her heart. Never easy man, it'll take months, but as day goes by, enjoy yourself, i know it sounds cliche, but really, you'll be back to yourself. I can't help but i am more than willing to cheer you up man, just like how you say i got this cock face, LOL. and porker = pork + fucker. haha, wish you all the best man. see ya. peace..
